Brutally Beautiful

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Entire day, face down feigning the flu, or plague…maybe a bit of walking corpse syndrome.  If I thought hard enough about it, I felt warm, but there was no one there to ask so, yeah, whatever.  I ate nothing.  There was a half empty bottle of brandy next to me, so at least there was some sort of consumption of something.Tuesday.  I Googled everything and anything on Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.   Then I inserted myself back on the couch, trying to sink myself deeper into the cushions and spri...ngs.  I paid $200 for a delivery of chicken soup from the diner.  It was ice cold when it arrived.  Wednesday. I turned over on the couch, lay on my back and watched my ceiling fan oscillate around depressingly.  Spinning, spinning, spinning…always in the same exact circles.  Just.  Like.  Me.I snapped the blades off.Of course, this is my life, so I also sliced my arm open while exacting my rage on the innocent propellers of air.  Tore my arm to shreds actually, making me have to use all those pathetic supplies Lainey had me buy at the store weeks ago, because she worried about me getting an infection.  The supplies weren’t pathetic, I was. Thursday.  I was so angry that she was right.

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