Carpool Confidential (2007)

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Her extension went through to voice mail again. I left a casual-sounding message asking her to give me a call. It was time to forge a little sisterly solidarity here. Then I went through my cell phone call list until I found Humphrey’s number, called him, and asked if he could come sooner.“Sorry,” he said, “on a case in Cali. Won’t be back until next Thursday night.”I was distracted for a while by a call from Charlotte. “It’s posted. Have a look.”I wanted to but didn’t. I pulled it up, wishing I... could read with my eyes closed. It was the weirdest sensation, seeing my words there. I’d had plenty of stuff published before, so I was used to that, but magazines took so long that by the time the articles came out they were almost removed from having been my words. This was so…immediate. It was hard for me to tell whether I would have found it entertaining if it had been written by someone else. I knew I could get used to this, but wasn’t sure whether I could like it.By ten o’clock, with nothing more from Harmonye, I was pacing the floors, inhabiting that world that hangs directly between terror and anger, in which you alternate between visions of someone’s crumpled and mutilated body and visions of yourself being the one to crumple and mutilate it when they walk in the door hale, healthy, and unconcerned about your mental state.Calm down, I’d remind myself during my visits to terror.

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