Frost: a Novel

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because there is no such thing as “people who don’t dream,” our nights are dreams, nothing but dreams, which we are unable to see, though we are aware of them, even if this awareness takes place without consciousness. Be that as it may, I dreamed about Strauch for the first time. I was in a clinic in a city, a building put together from all the clinics I had ever visited and worked in, and I had the rank of doctor, I was, as I was being told on every side as I walked through this big clinic, a “...highly regarded doctor,” even a “renowned doctor,” a “specialist,” as they told me on every side, I heard the word “specialist” from all round, from every direction, everything was buzzing and hissing the word “specialist” at me, sometimes also “medical specialist”; my progress was a tormenting fording or crossing of this concept, I ran, but I couldn’t run, after all, I thought, a specialist doesn’t run, I didn’t have to control myself, but I was controlled: I walked through enormous wards, where crowds of patients had been waiting for me, and were bowing to me, their heads curiously low to the ground, so that I was unable to see their faces, I saw only their long, bony, fleshy, fatty backs, I saw those backs and the feet of these people, oddly I was able to give them all their names, and some of them I called out, and it was a torment when those I called emerged from the mass of the patients and told me their medical histories, really only by a variety of hideous facial expressions; behind me I had a line of doctors, among them the assistant, also several faces of specialists who had marked my exams, and who would mark my future exams, all were behind me in a horribly stiff gaggle of doctors, as if “condemned to medical anonymity,”

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