In Fifty Years We'll All Be Chicks: And Other Complaints From An Angry Middle-Aged White Guy

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I’m traditional that way,” and I think, All right. But when the guy starts really digging in and introduces legislation to ban them from holding hands in public, he’s gay. He cares too much about something that doesn’t affect him. I don’t trust a guy who’s extremely interested in shit he shouldn’t care about. When my kid is old enough to go away camping, I want to get the group of dads in a room and say, “Who wants to take the kids up to Mount Pinos for the weekend?” And if one guy’s hand flies ...up, he’s out. I’ll say, “Sorry, Bert, you’re out. Your hand flew up too fast. I don’t trust you.”As a straight man, your attitude about the gays should be “Great, more pussy for me.” You should have the same feeling about gays as you do about a team you don’t follow. So be it. You’re rooting for your team. If they want to trade a quarterback and get a new mascot, who cares? That’s their business. You should be aware that they exist, and when your team plays them you should hope your team kicks the shit out of them, but you didn’t grow up in that town or go to that college, so who gives a fuck?

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