Insecure in Love: How Anxious Attachment Can Make You Feel Jealous, Needy, And Worried And What You Can Do About It (2014)

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It’s this awareness that can help you to see when and how your attachment-related anxiety prevents you from improving your relationship.
    For instance, Andy knew that communication is important in relationships, so he forced himself to talk with his wife about her recently being distant. However, because he failed to acknowledge just how threatened he felt, he unconsciously protected himself by delivering the message in a hostile and accusatory manner (“We might as well not even be married. H
...onestly, you’re of no use to me!”). This only served to create more distance. Had he been more aware of wanting to talk but also wanting to avoid getting hurt, he would have had the opportunity to talk about his fear, which would have been more likely to elicit a caring response from his wife.
    By facing your ambivalence, you are also facing your fears that you are unworthy of love (or that your partner might see you this way), and that you might lose the relationship you want so much.


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