Mark Twain's Burlesque Autobiography

Cover Mark Twain's Burlesque Autobiography
Mark Twain's Burlesque Autobiography
Twain, Mark, 1835-1910
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Braddockwith all his heart to resist the oppressor Washington. It was thisancestor who fired seventeen times at our Washington from behind a tree. So far the beautiful romantic narrative in the moral story-books iscorrect; but when that narrative goes on to say that at the seventeenthround the awe-stricken savage said solemnly that that man was beingreserved by the Great Spirit for some mighty mission, and he dared notlift his sacrilegious rifle against him again, the narrative seriouslyimpairs... the integrity of history. What he did say was: "It ain't no (hic!) no use. 'At man's so drunk he can't stan' still longenough for a man to hit him. I (hic!) I can't 'ford to fool away anymore am'nition on him!" That was why he stopped at the seventeenth round, and it was, a goodplain matter-of-fact reason, too, and one that easily commends itself tous by the eloquent, persuasive flavor of probability there is about it.
I always enjoyed the story-book narrative, but I felt a marringmisgiving that every Indian at Braddock's Defeat who fired at a soldiera couple of times (two easily grows to seventeen in a century), andmissed him, jumped to the conclusion that the Great Spirit was reservingthat soldier for some grand mission; and so I somehow feared that theonly reason why Washington's case is remembered and the others forgottenis, that in his the prophecy' came true, and in that of the others itdidn't.


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