No Shelter

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It’s so quiet that if a mote of dust was to float down and land on the floor it would be as loud as a firework popping.  Over the years I’ve come to crave total silence. There’s something peaceful about it, something so soothing that it almost helps me forget all the bad shit there is in the world.  It’s like a black hole, a void I can crawl into and curl up and just fall asleep. No pain. No suffering. No murder.  A car horn sounds outside, briefly, shattering the silence.  I blink, take a breat...h.  I imagine Zane lying in the bed next to me. He stares up at the same spot of ceiling I’m staring at. I want to turn to him, snuggle into his embrace, hold onto him and never let him go. Before him I’d felt empty, insecure, unloved. He’d helped open my eyes to the world. He had helped me understand that behind every façade, every smiling face, there is an evil just ready to make its move.  I imagine him lying here beside me and asking, What’s wrong, Holly?  I fucked up royally this time.  Why?  Scooter’s dead.  And it was your fault?  Yes.  No it wasn’t.

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