Revenge of the Lawn, the Abortion, So the Wind Won't Blow It All Away

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That was all. One morning I was lying in bed and the telephone rang. The window shades were pulled down and it was raining hard outside. It was still dark.
"Hello," I said.
"Who invented the revolver?" a man asked.
Before I could hang the telephone up my own voice escaped me like an anarchist and said, "Samuel Colt." "You just won a cord of wood," the man said.
"Who are you?" I asked.
"This is a contest," he said. "You just won a cord of wood." "I don't have a stove," I said. "I live in a rented
... room. There's no heat." "Is there anything else you would want besides a cord of wood?" he said.
"Yeah, a fountain pen." "Good, we'll send you one. What's the address there?" I gave him my address and then I asked him who was sponsoring the contest.
"Never mind," he said. "The pen will be in the mail tomorrow morning. Oh, yes, is there any particular color you like? I almost forgot." "Blue would be fine." "We're all out of blue. Any other color? Green? We have a lot of green pens." "All right, green, then." "It'll be in the mail tomorrow morning," he said.


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