Revolting Youth: the Further Journals of Nick Twisp (2000)

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That will teach him to have the second-lowest per-pupil expenditure for public schools of any state in the nation. Had I been properly educated, I might know how to write a bug-free computer program.
Enough with the incidentals. We shall now fast-forward to the seventh period, when—composing herself for the ordeal ahead—Carlotta clutched her books to her artificial chest and crept into the girls’ gym.
OK, you ask, just how buffed is the industrially tanned Miss Arbulash? Let us simply note that
...when she talks, the muscles of her face bulge and ripple. And they compose the least developed region of her body. Seldom has a sleeveless, skintight silver leotard been asked to fit a form such as hers. Even the gleaming brass whistle dangling on a chain around her horselike neck seemed larger than life.
Massively intimidated, Carlotta somehow managed to blurt out her story of mildew hypersensitivity, while My Love hovered with feigned disinterest a few steps away.
Miss Arbulash methodically swept her muscular eyeballs over my quaking form.


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