The Revolt ; And, the Escape

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I had given way too much, overvalued the daily bread.
The eyes of my youth are gone. Enthusiasm too.
Art no longer exalts. Silence does not appease me. That man has drunk up my soul as if it had been water. These four years of drudgery have broken my spirits. — Nothing can be blotted out.
I was boasting when I said I wanted to live. I give it up. I have become like those who have never had a glimpse of heaven. That man's perpetual smile has filled my soul with bitterness and gloom.
His accounts
... have crippled my mind. Whether he lives now or dies, it is just the same to me. I must remain what I have become. The world is henceforth a blank. Why go away? What does it matter whether I sleep here or elsewhere. — Do I even know why I have come back? — Oh yes — I remember. I did not know where to go to. The cold morning air chilled me and I returned. {A long silence.) There is one thing still — I might carry ofl" my child and cling to her as to a raft, might try to make her a woman with a heart of steel, able to endure all disenchantments, stomach all loathings.

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