Three Ways to Die

Cover Three Ways to Die
Three Ways to Die
Lee Goldberg
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You just can't predict what will get some people excited. I knew a guy who got a hard-on any time he licked an envelope. He couldn't tell you why it turned him on, it just did.
    For my wife Carly, it's Jack Webb. He was an actor who played this cop named Joe Friday on a TV show called Dragnet that ran in the Fifties and Sixties. Later, they made a Tom Hanks movie out of it that sucked and another TV series, with that Al Bundy guy from Married With Children, and it also sucked, but I'm digress
...ing.
    Jack Webb had a turtle face and moved like he was in a full body cast. The cop he played was just as stiff, physically, politically, and morally. His trademark was the dry, almost robotic way he spoke, a rat-a-tat-tat of short sentences, a style that could be summed up by his favorite phrase: "Just the facts, ma'am." Carly was too young to have seen Dragnet on-the-air. Her exposure to Jack Webb came from her grandfather, a retired cop who showed her episodes whenever she visited his place up in Big Bear.


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