To My Ex-Husband

Cover To My Ex-Husband
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Or maybe the problem was that I didn’t know what to say first. I never went to sleep Saturday night, and I was pretty sure you hadn’t, either. It was an awful night. Everything I said and did struck me as wrong and offensive. Everything you said and did struck me as vague and confusing.
There aren’t many books on how to date one’s estranged husband. Neither of us has been able to find the right note on how to behave.
First, the flowers. Opening the door and seeing you with the roses reminded me
...of that first anniversary after you left. You’d sent me a plant. I remember bursting into tears and being so undone that the delivery boy had to sign for me.
A single word didn’t exist for what I felt at that moment; but the full reality of our positions came crashing down on me. I was touched that you had wanted to acknowledge the day in some way. At the same time, it was a sad reminder that on a day we once celebrated we were now living apart. Then, too, it was a public—by that I mean visible—gesture that should really have been private.


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