Wry Martinis

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Yes, there are a lot of other people running for President, but I firmly believe I am uniquely qualified for this, the highest office in this great nation of ours, and I intend to explain why.
First, however, let me address a more urgent question, and that is the future facing our children’s children’s children’s children. And their children. When their time comes, our time will have passed. But they will look back and say, “What was all that about?” Someone will have to answer. And that someone
... is why I am running. My friends, today I say to you, I want to be that someone.
There is a wise saying where I come from. It has been handed down over the ages, and it goes something like this: “Do not give away your socks unless you like going barefoot.”
Well, today I am taking off my socks and giving them to the American people.
I do not particularly like going barefoot. But if that is the price of democracy, then I say, “So be it.”
I know that people will look at me, in that wonderful American way of ours, and say, “It is cold out, and your toes are turning blue.”


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